Stop Giving Your Power Away - 10 Life-Shifting Practices
Updated: Feb 13, 2021
Your past does not need to rule your present.... and when you know better you can do better. Are you a people pleaser - worried what others think of you? Do you seek validation non-stop? Might you be scared of rejection? Do you feel afraid of being judged? Do you avoid making connections because you're worried of what someone else’s reaction might be? Do you ever censor your thoughts? Do you invalidate your own feelings? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are giving your personal power away.
Who commonly gives their power away?
Most humans have not been taught how powerful and worthy they truly are, so the sooner you begin this work, the more free you will be... This is common for people who struggle with low self-esteem, confidence and self-worth. Many people who struggle with maintaining their power have been in abusive relationships (commonly as children). Some on the other hand are afraid of their power, and know with great power comes great responsibility. As a result of not wanting to acknowledge and hone it, they “give it away” – often without knowing that they make things outside of them rulers of their realities.
People pleasing will NOT provide a happy life. It will actually create the opposite. Trading in your authenticity for being liked, loved or accepted is almost like a death sentence. You may end up experiencing anxiety, depression, addiction, rage, blame, resentment and inexplicable grief. Understanding yourself and coming to awareness can help you take your power back.
How you could be giving your power away:
You give your power away when you hold beliefs that originate from what other people taught you, which might not be based in current reality. Beliefs that give away your power might sound like, “I’m not loveable,” “I can’t trust people,” or “When a relationship ends, I won’t be able to handle it well or easily.”
You hand over your power when you determine whether your needs are “reasonable” or “acceptable” based on how you think other people will respond to you.
Not speaking up for yourself - You give your power away when you have something important that you want to tell someone, or when you want to express your feelings, but feel it’s too risky to make yourself “heard.”
Maybe you find yourself living life based on other people's opinions and advice.
How to practice reclaiming & maintaining your power
(The Big 10):
Just as there are many ways that you can give away your power, there are endless daily opportunities to reclaim it and maintain it. I took a list from inc.com just a bit further...
Don't waste energy complaining. Instead - step up to the challenge knowing there is something to learn in every experience. There's a huge difference between complaining and problem-solving. Venting to your friends, family, and co-workers keeps you focused on the problem and prevents you from creating a solution. Focusing on the problem not only implies you have no power over your situation, but also shows you lack power over your attitude.
Accept responsibility for how you feel. No one can make you feel a certain way. You allow it. Saying your partner makes you feel bad about yourself or claiming your spouse makes you mad suggests they have power over how you feel. Don't let other people's behavior dictate your emotions. Accept that it's completely up to YOU to manage your emotions, regardless of how other people behave.
Establish healthy boundaries. You get to choose what you say "yes" and "no" to, or simply "not right now." Giving in to guilt trips and refusing to speak up for yourself gives power to other people. Rather than blame others for wasting your time or forcing you to do something, recognize that you're in charge of yourself. Establish healthy physical and emotional boundaries that give you control over how you spend your time and whom you spend it with. Your energy and time are your most precious asset. Use it wisely.
Practice forgiveness. Carrying any form of hate or anger in your heart is only harming you. Holding a grudge against someone who has hurt you doesn't punish the other person. Instead, it punishes you. When you waste valuable time thinking about a person you feel wronged you, it takes away your ability to enjoy the moment. When we can practice witnessing each other in their imperfect human forms, we can re-write stories for healing, which shifts or releases the energy you've been holding. Remember, forgiveness isn't about saying what the person did was OK. Instead, it's about choosing to let go of the hurt and anger that interferes with your ability to enjoy life.
Know your values. Clear is kind. Figure out your values and stick to them. When you're not clear what your values are, you're at risk of becoming more like a helpless passenger, rather than a confident driver, in your own life. You'll be at risk of jumping on board with other people's ideas and you may be easily led astray. Take back your power by acknowledging your values and living true to what's important to you.
Don't waste time on unproductive thoughts. You may often forget that you are in control of your mind. Have you ever came home from work and spent the entire evening wishing you didn't have to go back again tomorrow? Suddenly, you're giving your eight-hour workday 12 hours of your time. Take control over the thoughts that occupy your mind so you don't give more brain power to areas of your life that don't deserve it.
Make peace with addictions. Just as your thoughts can be internal energy drains, external sources too are power suckers, and you are allowing it. What's your addiction(s)?... Food, work, money, shopping, technology, drugs, TV, sex, fame, video games, sports, a person, etc.? You are giving your power to that external “thing.” You allow it to control your behavior repeatedly. The underlying belief is that you cannot be happy, be yourself, or be free without that “thing,” so you keep going back for more to get your “fix.”
Avoid language that implies you're a victim. Saying things like "This always happens to me," "I have to work 60 hours a week," or "I had no choice but to say yes" infers you're a victim of unfortunate circumstances. While there will certainly be consequences for the decisions you make, acknowledge that you always have choices, and you are in charge of you. And guess what, Life is Happening FOR YOU.
Make your self-worth independent of other's opinions. If your self-worth depends on others holding you in high regard, you are more than likely a people-pleaser. Not everyone needs to like you, nor do they have to agree with your lifestyle. Evaluate the merit of criticism you receive, but never allow one person's opinion determine your self-worth.
Be willing to stand out from the crowd. Self-doubt and fear can lead you to want to blend in with those around you. But, trying to fit in with the crowd will cause you to disguise who you really are. Trust that you're mentally strong enough to stand out and dare to be different. Again, stay authentic.
Other ways in which you can take your power back:
Give yourself permission to take the initiative and connect with someone by being the first to reach out.
Speak with confidence without seeking validation.
Express what you want or need (while being mindful of someone else’s boundaries). When you develop your “voice”, we’re taking back our power.
See that you have choices, and that you can weigh the outcome of those choices without being ruled by fears, such as being unable to manage difficult feelings that might arise.
Any time you free yourself from an obsession, whether a love obsession or a compulsion to use a substance in a harmful way, you take power away from the compulsion that grips you.
You become truly empowered when you free yourself from repeating learned patterns of behavior.
Remember, taking your power back is GOOD! This is essential self-care / soul freedom.
The egos ruling energy, fear, will dissipate with these practices of taking your power back! Being mindful of your power and practicing empowerment from a heart-centered space allows your spirit to guide your path. No longer does the ego need to rule with survival tactics. You will begin showing up in new, honorable ways. As you become more aware of how you give your power away, and as you practice empowering yourself on a regularly, you will begin to feel much better about your relationships — with yourself and with the people around you. This will shift the energy of many life experiences. Do the work and experience this for yourself!
Join Facebook Groups The Ego Peacemaker or Trauma - Trigger Awareness For Self Regulation & Healing to stay mindfully connected and growing.